The First Rule of Fight Club

Casablanca

Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds?
Captain Renault: I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!
[a croupier hands Renault a pile of money]
Croupier: Your winnings, sir.
Captain Renault: [softly] Oh, thank you very much.
Captain Renault: [aloud] Everybody out at once!

Had it not been for the profound, non-obvious knowledge imparted upon me during 501, I would have been shocked and chagrined by the amount of bureaucratic inefficiencies I've encountered during my first week at the Office of the Secretary of Defense (OSD). Who among us would have ever thought that the federal government would be fraught with such bureaucratic inefficiencies:

• It took a month of calling and e-mailing for the gov't to let me know that my security clearance had been approved...3 weeks before I first contacted them.
• There is a standardized paper clip that must accompany all multi-page submissions.
• Finally, it took a week for IT to set up my computer and network access, so I thought I would blog to commemorate the fact that I finally have a computer.

Office Space

Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

The Assistant Secretary of Defense I work for is named Mr. Jim Shinn, and everybody in the office calls him Mr. Shinn. Needless to say, I get confused when I hear people scrambling around me saying they need to set up a meeting between Mr. Shinn and some high-level officials or asking when Mr. Shinn will return for Japan. The confusion is confounded by the fact that Mr. Shinn will be teaching a class at the Woo this fall. Evidently, I'm not the only that's confused b/c some of my network logins are Ed Shinn. I've been tempted to send around a short memo to the office (with Genie and Karen McGuinness CCed on it):

1 "n" = young, Asian-American intern
2 "n"s = middle-aged, white senior official

I still have yet to meet Mr. Shinn, which makes me wonder if Mr. Shinn is simply my Tyler Durden-esque identity. I'll let you all know the madness that ensues when I finally meet my doppleganger.

And please note that the Office Space quote is simply a hook to get people to read this far and is not meant to imply that anyone is an ass-clown.